Yesterday was awesome! I cleared a space in the kitchen for all of my cookbooks and odds and ends. I also got the floor swept and dishes done. I busted a major sweat, and my muscles are sore from all the squats and lifting and such... even my lower back muscles are sore.
Today was different. I woke up tired. Felt unable to wake up. Even 2 cups of coffee didn't get me rolling. When the kiddo got off to school, I lay back down and fell asleep. I ended up sleeping for about 6 hours. Did I NEED that sleep? Was I that tired? Or was it something else? I have just felt kind of blah all day today. I did manage to keep my food choices healthy.
I had a veggie sausage and egg sandwich... not vegan yet... but will be soon. Then I passed out! When I got up, I had an apple, and some yogurt and granola mixed. For dinner was a fake chicken cutlet, broccoli and green peas, washed down with water. No junk food. I've not felt the urge to snack. So there's that, and I celebrate it.
I am growing tired of the mood swings though. I have a great day, feel fine, even accomplished, and then there's a day like today. It's not the worst thing ever, I guess. And I know everyone has days like this... but when you are trying to change your outlook and change your life, days like this are all the more frustrating and harder to deal with. Ah well, it's nearly time for bed. As Scarlett O'Hara used to say... "tomorrow is another day". Here's hoping it's a good one.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Tuesday's To Do's
I finally have a profile in Kinect... a retina scan will recognize me now! :p I wanted to do the Biggest Loser Ultimate Workout yesterday, but was thwarted because the machine didn't know me. Hmm... are we headed down the path towards "The Terminator"? LOL In any case, I am set up now, so I am going to go down there and do the fitness test and let it plan a regimen for me. I will do a video diary and all that stuff, even.
I am also planning to clear out some space in the kitchen. We have a microwave stand that has a cabinet and shelf space that is, at present being occupied by a bunch of random crap. I want to clear that out and put all of my cookbooks and such in there, so they are easy to hand when I am trying to cook. That will also clear space in the bookshelf for the books that we continue to accumulate that are just kind of stacked randomly. That will feel really good, I think.
Depending on the timing, I'll see what else I can get done. So off to have a bite to eat and start the clearing project. Then work out after my food has settled.
Feelin' good today. :)
I am also planning to clear out some space in the kitchen. We have a microwave stand that has a cabinet and shelf space that is, at present being occupied by a bunch of random crap. I want to clear that out and put all of my cookbooks and such in there, so they are easy to hand when I am trying to cook. That will also clear space in the bookshelf for the books that we continue to accumulate that are just kind of stacked randomly. That will feel really good, I think.
Depending on the timing, I'll see what else I can get done. So off to have a bite to eat and start the clearing project. Then work out after my food has settled.
Feelin' good today. :)
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Happiness
I am feeling pretty good today. I have been active enough over the past few days, doing various things, that I have sore muscles in my arms and legs. Between the Kinect boxing and sports play, pushing a broom and dustpan around my house, and other activities, I guess I have been doing some good. Today I even snuck in some squats while scooping the litter box! LOL
I also cooked a nice dinner of spinach ravioli and a green salad, we all partook in it. It was delish.
I finished "The Happiness Project" today. Finishing it made me feel good, and I am full of ideas. I guess the one thing that's been good about my good intentions and such from the past is the accumulation of materials and such I've accumulated. I have tons of cookbooks, how to books and resource books for veganism. I have lots of books about paganism, so that I can study and practice my religion. I have a guitar and an "Idiot's Guide to Playing Guitar" for learning to how to play. I have a ton of exercise dvd's and Wii/360/Kinect games, and dumbbells and such for exercise purposes.
So I can honestly pick any number of projects to undertake and just dig right in... no need to go out and spend a bunch of money. I have also decided to actually make good on a long extended promise to help and volunteer for a friend's online non profit org.
I am feeling like I have endless possibilities, and this gives me a burst of energy and motivation. I've also been trying to spend more time with the kiddo... We all played a game, as a family after dinner tonight, and I've also just tried to spend time with her as it arises. That has felt good too.
Tomorrow the new week starts, and I have big plans for how to use my day alone. I will post my to do list tomorrow, and what I've accomplished.
I also cooked a nice dinner of spinach ravioli and a green salad, we all partook in it. It was delish.
I finished "The Happiness Project" today. Finishing it made me feel good, and I am full of ideas. I guess the one thing that's been good about my good intentions and such from the past is the accumulation of materials and such I've accumulated. I have tons of cookbooks, how to books and resource books for veganism. I have lots of books about paganism, so that I can study and practice my religion. I have a guitar and an "Idiot's Guide to Playing Guitar" for learning to how to play. I have a ton of exercise dvd's and Wii/360/Kinect games, and dumbbells and such for exercise purposes.
So I can honestly pick any number of projects to undertake and just dig right in... no need to go out and spend a bunch of money. I have also decided to actually make good on a long extended promise to help and volunteer for a friend's online non profit org.
I am feeling like I have endless possibilities, and this gives me a burst of energy and motivation. I've also been trying to spend more time with the kiddo... We all played a game, as a family after dinner tonight, and I've also just tried to spend time with her as it arises. That has felt good too.
Tomorrow the new week starts, and I have big plans for how to use my day alone. I will post my to do list tomorrow, and what I've accomplished.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Today
Today was productive. I had a bit of a slump the last couple of days. But managed to snap out of it a bit. I ventured out in the shitty weather and got some much needed errands done. Came home and relaxed for a bit. I started a twitter account. ugh. Many friends seem to be moving that way, so I started one... not sure how much I will use it though.
When the child got home, we played Kinect for a while. I played Kinect boxing and it kicked my ass! I also played table tennis. Flailing your arms around can make you winded! It was fun playing with the kiddo, too... really helped perk me up.
I dug up one of my books on veganism and I am looking at it. This is a good book. It discusses proper nutrition and even has a section on vegan athletes. I am going to go vegan again soon. Tomorrow I am going to take the shrink wrap off of my yoga dvd and give it a try. It's a Bob Harper dvd... and the yoga is supposed to also be great for weight loss , in addition to strength training. I guess we shall see.
When the child got home, we played Kinect for a while. I played Kinect boxing and it kicked my ass! I also played table tennis. Flailing your arms around can make you winded! It was fun playing with the kiddo, too... really helped perk me up.
I dug up one of my books on veganism and I am looking at it. This is a good book. It discusses proper nutrition and even has a section on vegan athletes. I am going to go vegan again soon. Tomorrow I am going to take the shrink wrap off of my yoga dvd and give it a try. It's a Bob Harper dvd... and the yoga is supposed to also be great for weight loss , in addition to strength training. I guess we shall see.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Resolutions?
I don't do New Years Resolutions, as a rule. I always end up breaking them and then feeling like crap for doing so. But... I've been reading the Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. She basically devotes a month at a time to a particular "resolution" in her quest for happiness. Of course these resolutions are cumulative, so she adds them onto each other, they don't go away at the end of the month.
I am working on decluttering and cleaning, and that's a job in and of itself. So much accumulated stuff. We aren't hoarders, we can still move around, but we have a lot of crap, and very little unused space. I am trying to fix that a bit at a time. So far I have cleaned and cleared the kitchen table, the sink and the stove. They are cleared and wiped clean. I have also tackled the living room sofa and the bistro table. I have made some inroads to clearing other areas, too. This will probably take the full month! :p
A couple of other resolutions have come to me as I have been reading the book and pondering my own project.
Reconnect with lost loves:
I used to have a serious passion for music. I was very deep into it, to the point where I knew everything there was to know about whatever bands or music types that I liked. I always had music playing somewhere. Over time, though I have become distant from it, I have lost touch with a lot of it, and I find myself in a time warp of sorts. I don't like the disconnect that is present now. Music was a lifeline and a de stresser. I need it now more than ever. Time to try to reconcile and rekindle that flame. I need to go to more shows, too. I haven't completely stopped going to shows, but they are getting few and far between. :(
I used to love to sing out loud. Of course, I used to be largely alone when I did it. I don't get much alone time these days, and I've become a bit self conscious in my old age. I need to stop worrying about that. I need to belt out a few tunes, like in the old days.
I love theatre. That has never gone away. I used to be do theatre in my younger days when I was a theatre major in my first trip through college. I want to get back to that some day, but I don't think my current school schedule will allow that. I also used to love to go to plays and revues. I think as a compromise, I need to do some more of that. Go see the local theatre scene, check out some of the burlesque shoes and other types of entertainment out there in some form or fashion. Also I need to read plays again. I love the work of Christopher Durang, I like Tony Kushner, Tennessee Williams, etc. Perhaps as a compromise, reading plays and seeing plays will hold me over until I can actually PERFORM in plays.
Those are a handful of lost loves that come to mind. A decent start.
Quit Flirting and COMMIT Already!!!!
I have always wanted to learn to play guitar. I have wanted to pick the violin back up. I have always wanted to learn to play piano. Again, with the music, LOL! I've always wanted to do yoga. I've been wanting to get fit again. I've wanted to start walking, etc. etc. I've even made some tentative moves...such as buying an acoustic guitar (now sitting in it's case just gathering dust) and a guitar for dummies book. I've made some attempts at fitness. Shit I have a crapton of exercise dvd's and weight loss books/cookbooks, and now I have wii and kinect games that help exercise.
I've wanted to go from vegetarian to completely vegan. I have cookbooks galore, I have a couple of resource books too... Time to read the resource books and research nutrition and JUST DO IT!!!
I've wanted to be an active practitioner of my religion. Again, I have a ton of books and resources... just never had the wherewithal and perhaps the courage to actually read and actively practice. Time to quit flirting and get serious.
As I have been chipping away at housework, I've notice that my daughter has been voluntarily chipping in more. She did several loads of dishes, she started the cleaning/clearing of the kitchen table, helped take down the Christmas decorations, etc. I'm not sure what is motivating her to pitch in but I welcome it. It has been a great help. It has also been nice to see that she is paying attention.
I am working on decluttering and cleaning, and that's a job in and of itself. So much accumulated stuff. We aren't hoarders, we can still move around, but we have a lot of crap, and very little unused space. I am trying to fix that a bit at a time. So far I have cleaned and cleared the kitchen table, the sink and the stove. They are cleared and wiped clean. I have also tackled the living room sofa and the bistro table. I have made some inroads to clearing other areas, too. This will probably take the full month! :p
A couple of other resolutions have come to me as I have been reading the book and pondering my own project.
Reconnect with lost loves:
I used to have a serious passion for music. I was very deep into it, to the point where I knew everything there was to know about whatever bands or music types that I liked. I always had music playing somewhere. Over time, though I have become distant from it, I have lost touch with a lot of it, and I find myself in a time warp of sorts. I don't like the disconnect that is present now. Music was a lifeline and a de stresser. I need it now more than ever. Time to try to reconcile and rekindle that flame. I need to go to more shows, too. I haven't completely stopped going to shows, but they are getting few and far between. :(
I used to love to sing out loud. Of course, I used to be largely alone when I did it. I don't get much alone time these days, and I've become a bit self conscious in my old age. I need to stop worrying about that. I need to belt out a few tunes, like in the old days.
I love theatre. That has never gone away. I used to be do theatre in my younger days when I was a theatre major in my first trip through college. I want to get back to that some day, but I don't think my current school schedule will allow that. I also used to love to go to plays and revues. I think as a compromise, I need to do some more of that. Go see the local theatre scene, check out some of the burlesque shoes and other types of entertainment out there in some form or fashion. Also I need to read plays again. I love the work of Christopher Durang, I like Tony Kushner, Tennessee Williams, etc. Perhaps as a compromise, reading plays and seeing plays will hold me over until I can actually PERFORM in plays.
Those are a handful of lost loves that come to mind. A decent start.
Quit Flirting and COMMIT Already!!!!
I have always wanted to learn to play guitar. I have wanted to pick the violin back up. I have always wanted to learn to play piano. Again, with the music, LOL! I've always wanted to do yoga. I've been wanting to get fit again. I've wanted to start walking, etc. etc. I've even made some tentative moves...such as buying an acoustic guitar (now sitting in it's case just gathering dust) and a guitar for dummies book. I've made some attempts at fitness. Shit I have a crapton of exercise dvd's and weight loss books/cookbooks, and now I have wii and kinect games that help exercise.
I've wanted to go from vegetarian to completely vegan. I have cookbooks galore, I have a couple of resource books too... Time to read the resource books and research nutrition and JUST DO IT!!!
I've wanted to be an active practitioner of my religion. Again, I have a ton of books and resources... just never had the wherewithal and perhaps the courage to actually read and actively practice. Time to quit flirting and get serious.
As I have been chipping away at housework, I've notice that my daughter has been voluntarily chipping in more. She did several loads of dishes, she started the cleaning/clearing of the kitchen table, helped take down the Christmas decorations, etc. I'm not sure what is motivating her to pitch in but I welcome it. It has been a great help. It has also been nice to see that she is paying attention.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Independence Day
Yes, yes... I know. It's not July 4th. It's December 29th. All the same, the title of this post is apropos. I am declaring today my Independence Day because it is high time that I took that on. I rely too much on other people. I rely too much on "things". I expect people and things to make me happy. Well, just like anything else, happiness is a choice, right? No one or no thing can MAKE me happy, just as no one or no thing can MAKE me do or be anything. I have to choose it for myself. I have to BE happy.
People and things can help me be happy, that's for sure. But in the end, it's my choice to be happy. So I have to make choices that fulfill me, rather than looking for fulfillment/happiness from outside sources. If I am not a happy person to begin with...nothing will MAKE me be so.
So a new attitude/outlook I need to adopt is one like this: Cleaning house/doing laundry chores, etc. isn't FUN... no. But having a clean and tidy house that is in order makes me HAPPY!!!
Exercise, especially when you are totally NOT fit isn't FUN... in fact it is downright painful. But being fit and healthy and at my goal weight will make me HAPPY.
Studying/working isn't always FUN but having financial security will make me HAPPY.
and so on.
I think I have been looking at my struggles in the wrong way, all this time! As I said in a previous post, that the weight I carry is not just physical, but emotional. And perhaps if I attack these emotional aspects in my pursuit of happiness, other stuff will fall into place. As the emotional burden lifts, I won't feel so tired all the time... the burst of energy will come and I will get moving... Saying this, I know I need to get moving regardless... but perhaps exercise won't be so arduous if my heart and my mind is lighter.
I've never really had to be "on my own" I lived with my family in some way or other... parents, older sister, and then with my husband. Never lived alone, never had to be completely and TOTALLY responsible for myself. I always had a fallback. This fallback has become a crutch, and the crutch isn't holding me up. It hasn't in a long time. It's time to toss the crutch aside.
Today's task is to declutter...rather to start decluttering. Our lives have a lot of detritus that needs to be culled through. But it's a beginning. I will take it a day at a time. I will also get up and get moving today. Not sure what I'm going to do...but I will post about it in my next entry.
People and things can help me be happy, that's for sure. But in the end, it's my choice to be happy. So I have to make choices that fulfill me, rather than looking for fulfillment/happiness from outside sources. If I am not a happy person to begin with...nothing will MAKE me be so.
So a new attitude/outlook I need to adopt is one like this: Cleaning house/doing laundry chores, etc. isn't FUN... no. But having a clean and tidy house that is in order makes me HAPPY!!!
Exercise, especially when you are totally NOT fit isn't FUN... in fact it is downright painful. But being fit and healthy and at my goal weight will make me HAPPY.
Studying/working isn't always FUN but having financial security will make me HAPPY.
and so on.
I think I have been looking at my struggles in the wrong way, all this time! As I said in a previous post, that the weight I carry is not just physical, but emotional. And perhaps if I attack these emotional aspects in my pursuit of happiness, other stuff will fall into place. As the emotional burden lifts, I won't feel so tired all the time... the burst of energy will come and I will get moving... Saying this, I know I need to get moving regardless... but perhaps exercise won't be so arduous if my heart and my mind is lighter.
I've never really had to be "on my own" I lived with my family in some way or other... parents, older sister, and then with my husband. Never lived alone, never had to be completely and TOTALLY responsible for myself. I always had a fallback. This fallback has become a crutch, and the crutch isn't holding me up. It hasn't in a long time. It's time to toss the crutch aside.
Today's task is to declutter...rather to start decluttering. Our lives have a lot of detritus that needs to be culled through. But it's a beginning. I will take it a day at a time. I will also get up and get moving today. Not sure what I'm going to do...but I will post about it in my next entry.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Winter Break?
Now the rush and crush of the semester is over. I am on break. I have time to breathe now. Time to rest. Time to think. Is this a good thing? I am not so sure. So far, the days have been a reality check of sorts. I am realizing just how out of control I have gotten.
I guess that one good aspect of stress and pressure is that it keeps you hopping. I was so consumed with making good grades, passing all of my classes, performing well and learning, that I put everything else aside. I had tunnel vision, I was hyperfocused, etc.
Well now that's gone. I am happy, but I also feel kind of empty. I don't know what to do with myself. I am realizing just how out of control I and my life has become. It's not a pleasant feeling. I have no real hobbies, no creative outlets. It is the wet season, so I find myself cooped up indoors more often than not. I am having weird health issues sneaking up on me. I am noticing that my strength and stamina are waning. I think this scares me more than anything.
I've never been an athlete. But I was active. If I could do nothing else, I could walk like no one's business. I could walk for miles and not get tired. I roamed all over San Francisco last year when we went for our anniversary trip. Yeah, my feet hurt, but I wasn't tired. I wasn't winded, I wasn't sore. If I tried to do that now, I don't know if I could. I don't know when I'd crap out.
My upper body strength is for shit right now also. I worry about this in terms of clinicals and working... will I be able to do transfers? Will I be able to function? This is becoming just as consuming as my weight now.
The extra weight I carry on my body is not just physical... it is also symbolic. I have lived my life carrying a lot of emotional weight. I am the strong one. I am the one who carries my own baggage, and that of others. I need to shed the weight. Not just the physical, but the emotional weight as well. If I can find a way to do that, then the pounds will come off, too, I think. I picked up a book called "The Happiness Project" today, it was recommended by a friend.
I see a lot of truth in the little bit I've seen so far. It has been a long time since I stopped to smell the roses, since I've done anything simply for fun or enjoyment. I've worked towards goals, or daydreamed about a future with happiness in it. I really think I've missed the point.
Time to try a new approach, I think.
I guess that one good aspect of stress and pressure is that it keeps you hopping. I was so consumed with making good grades, passing all of my classes, performing well and learning, that I put everything else aside. I had tunnel vision, I was hyperfocused, etc.
Well now that's gone. I am happy, but I also feel kind of empty. I don't know what to do with myself. I am realizing just how out of control I and my life has become. It's not a pleasant feeling. I have no real hobbies, no creative outlets. It is the wet season, so I find myself cooped up indoors more often than not. I am having weird health issues sneaking up on me. I am noticing that my strength and stamina are waning. I think this scares me more than anything.
I've never been an athlete. But I was active. If I could do nothing else, I could walk like no one's business. I could walk for miles and not get tired. I roamed all over San Francisco last year when we went for our anniversary trip. Yeah, my feet hurt, but I wasn't tired. I wasn't winded, I wasn't sore. If I tried to do that now, I don't know if I could. I don't know when I'd crap out.
My upper body strength is for shit right now also. I worry about this in terms of clinicals and working... will I be able to do transfers? Will I be able to function? This is becoming just as consuming as my weight now.
The extra weight I carry on my body is not just physical... it is also symbolic. I have lived my life carrying a lot of emotional weight. I am the strong one. I am the one who carries my own baggage, and that of others. I need to shed the weight. Not just the physical, but the emotional weight as well. If I can find a way to do that, then the pounds will come off, too, I think. I picked up a book called "The Happiness Project" today, it was recommended by a friend.
I see a lot of truth in the little bit I've seen so far. It has been a long time since I stopped to smell the roses, since I've done anything simply for fun or enjoyment. I've worked towards goals, or daydreamed about a future with happiness in it. I really think I've missed the point.
Time to try a new approach, I think.
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