I am feeling better at this moment in time than I have felt in a very long time. The food log makes counting calories/carbs so much easier, and it's helped me lose weight. So far I'm holding at 6 pounds lost, but I haven't gained anything back... I have also been much more active. Been taking walks on the beach, in the woods, through the park, etc, and just getting up and getting out and around. I have never considered myself any sort of hermit, but the past few weeks have kind of shown me that I have been in fact quite reclusive.
Depression sort of seems to build on itself. The more I stayed inside and just sat, the worse it got. But I've been out and around, going to events that I have never been to before, seeing sights that I've not seen in 15 years of living here. Having an outlet for stress, such as not sitting around the house and brooding about things, has made a huge difference. The most notable being that I am taking an interest in myself and my surroundings again.
I actually went out and bought a couple of tubes of lipstick, for one thing.Lipstick used to be my trademark... if I wore no other makeup (and often that was the case)I'd have some color on my lips. Not sure when, or why...but I stopped wearing it. I am wearing it again, or at least lip gloss. I got a new pair of snazzy sunglasses. I re-pierced my ears after years upon years, maybe even a decade plus without them. I honestly don't think I have worn earrings in Sophia's lifetime (until now) and she's 12. I bought new lingerie, something else that's pretty rare for me anymore, I bought a pair of cute denim shorts, some cute flip flops, and colored my hair back to my old friend ginger. I make a pretty good redhead, but I got away from that color because it would get all brassy and gross. But I have come back!
I am also back to trying to get some chores done, instead of sitting and ignoring my surroundings. I have been making morning coffee, being the first one up, and just feeling more crisp, clear and alert. I think all the steps I've taken; getting back on consistent meds schedule, watching my food intake closely, and of course re starting counseling/therapy, are starting to pay off. I'm starting to feel/see results. No matter what the scale says, my tummy is shrinking. My knees don't hurt anymore when I take the stairs. I don't lumber around like a bull in a china shop anymore there's a spring in my step. Small things are adding up to a pretty big thing. :)
I am discovering just how social an animal I really am, not so crippled by the shyness that has wrapped me like a cloak for most of my life. I am still new to all this. I am still scared. I still worry too much about silly things. But I am doing so much better now than I have in such a long time. I daresay that at this moment I am..... happy!