Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Independence Day

Yes, yes... I know. It's not July 4th. It's December 29th. All the same, the title of this post is apropos. I am declaring today my Independence Day because it is high time that I took that on. I rely too much on other people. I rely too much on "things". I expect people and things to make me happy. Well, just like anything else, happiness is a choice, right? No one or no thing can MAKE me happy, just as no one or no thing can MAKE me do or be anything. I have to choose it for myself. I have to BE happy.

People and things can help me be happy, that's for sure. But in the end, it's my choice to be happy. So I have to make choices that fulfill me, rather than looking for fulfillment/happiness from outside sources. If I am not a happy person to begin with...nothing will MAKE me be so.

So a new attitude/outlook I need to adopt is one like this: Cleaning house/doing laundry chores, etc. isn't FUN... no. But having a clean and tidy house that is in order makes me HAPPY!!!

Exercise, especially when you are totally NOT fit isn't FUN... in fact it is downright painful. But being fit and healthy and at my goal weight will make me HAPPY.

Studying/working isn't always FUN but having financial security will make me HAPPY.

and so on.

I think I have been looking at my struggles in the wrong way, all this time! As I said in a previous post, that the weight I carry is not just physical, but emotional. And perhaps if I attack these emotional aspects in my pursuit of happiness, other stuff will fall into place. As the emotional burden lifts, I won't feel so tired all the time... the burst of energy will come and I will get moving... Saying this, I know I need to get moving regardless... but perhaps exercise won't be so arduous if my heart and my mind is lighter.

I've never really had to be "on my own" I lived with my family in some way or other... parents, older sister, and then with my husband. Never lived alone, never had to be completely and TOTALLY responsible for myself. I always had a fallback. This fallback has become a crutch, and the crutch isn't holding me up. It hasn't in a long time. It's time to toss the crutch aside.

Today's task is to declutter...rather to start decluttering. Our lives have a lot of detritus that needs to be culled through. But it's a beginning. I will take it a day at a time. I will also get up and get moving today. Not sure what I'm going to do...but I will post about it in my next entry.

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