Wednesday, August 29, 2012

You Can't Be Depressed if You're Moving

I've heard this phrase repeatedly over the last month or so.  It's one of those things that when you hear it, it makes logical sense, but brush it aside because in that moment you aren't feeling blue, or it just has no place at that moment in time.  Today I got a taste of the truth of it.

I have been a ball of nerves as the summer comes to a close.  As school marches closer, my excitement is tempered by anxiety.  I got the preceptorship assignment I wanted, I will be working in an ER, but I will also finally be doing things that I've only had very limited glancing experience with up to this point.  It's time to apply everything I've learned, and actually transition from being a student to being a nurse. All those silly irrational fears creep in, like: what if I forget eveything I know?  What if I can't keep calm in an urgent situation? (and this is something I have managed to do in my own real life experience, mind you..and I still worry about this).  What if I screw up? What if I FAIL? All of these fears are making my head spin and my brain is running like a hamster on a wheel...going a million miles an hour, but not getting anywhere.  I guess that's what it means to go nowhere, fast.

I have been struggling with insomnia for the past 2 nights running... awake until 3 am at a minimum.  This has made me a very tired girl.  When I got up this morning, all I wanted to do was to go  back to bed.  Although I have all manner of things to do and to organize and to deal with, I didn't want to do anything. And doing nothing, just makes the time shorter to do the big pile of chores and errands and paperwork and phone calls, etc.  And that's not even considering working out. Ugh. No.  Do.Not.Want.

Well sitting here and ignoring the elephant(s) in the room only really serves to make me feel more shitty.  I was deep into a pretty good brood, when I heard the words that inspired the title of today's entry. I heard them spoken in my brain.  I got up out of my chair, I went into the kitchen and loaded and started the dishwasher.  Our sink runneth over. :p  Once I got that done, before I sat back down, I went and changed into my workout gear and did my treadmill workout.  C25K, W3D3 is done. Next stop Week 4.  Now I just have to stay in my calorie budge for today, and I will be back on track (yesterday was a calorie budget fail).  I am edging back down, though I still haven't seen any net loss yet.

You can't be depressed if you're moving.  It's true.  I got up off my butt, did a chore, which gave me the satisfaction of a chore completed, or at least well on its way to being so.  Then I got through my treadmill workout.  I burned 265 calories that I wouldn't have burned otherwise. I am sitting her blogging this while it is fresh in my mind, but I actually feel energized, more alert.  Not necessarily all better, no.  I'm still kinda tired.  This isn't one of those workout days where I feel like a million bucks when I finish, but I do feel better than I did before I started.  I will likely get up from here and do a few more household chores, and I want to fit in some more exercise, just not sure what I'm gonna do yet.  I want to burn more calories.  I want to get more stuff done.  I want to get my ducks in a row before school starts.

So my journey continues. Still baby steps, but I feel like I'm getting stronger.  I'm 9 workouts in now.  I have been at this for almost a whole month.This is probably one of my best efforts at fitness without something forcing me to do it (like college credit).  I'm going to try to keep moving, because I don't want to be depressed.

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