The weekend came, and I didn't work out. We were out and about, but I don't think I got that much exercise beyond the walk from the car to our spot on the beach. I also had a bit of a food orgy. I ate a loooooooooooooot of carbs, and rich food. Monday and Tuesday I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Sluggish and tired and blah. That sort of started the dominos falling. I felt sluggish and tired, couldn't get off my butt and exercise, so then the guilt kicked in and the negative thinking. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a depression.
I have such a history of eating and not paying attention to what I'm eating, and I've been so sedentary and still that I never really knew how the food was affecting my body. This weekend's eating binge (for lack of a better word) I made that connection for the first time. I felt the consequences of my poor food choices. So yes, it was a setback... but it was a setback with a purpose. I needed that lesson. It will help guide my choices from now on.
Food is my drug. I am an addict. I will probably stumble on this path many times, much as I did over the weekend. But I can and will get up and dust myself off and keep going. Today I started the Couch to 5K workout...Day 1, Week 1. And I also did the Biggest Loser Power Sculpt workout. I was on the treadmill for 30 minutes; 5 minutes each for warmup and cooldown, and 20 minutes alternating jogging and walking. With the exercise dvd, I am doing the the beginning level. I am trying to improve my form as I go, and I think I'm getting better with it. I definitely felt the burn, and my arms are more sore after this workout today than they were after all the previous workouts combined. As always I was super sweaty and I think that I amped it up a little bit, even though I ran/walked at zero incline, my speed was higher than it was for the previous workout. Perhaps I'll alternate the c25k with the interval cardio I've been doing. I also need to start doing some yoga. Need to work that in. Maybe yoga on days I don't do the weight training.
I'm glad I got back to business. I'm glad I didn't just let that slump overtake me. I have to stop thinking in terms of all or nothing. I have to give myself permission to fail, in a sense. Failing to do a workout is temporary, and can be set right on a new day... the NEXT day. Never doing that workout... letting the guilt and shame and self loathing of missing a day pile on top of me and keep me in my chair or on the couch... that is true failure. Watching my weight continue to climb, watching my health decline, and all the baggage and bullshit, all the meds and doctor visits and equipment that goes along with it... THAT is failure. And failure is not an option.