Holiday Lull

So of course, the holidays derailed my eating habits a little, but not as bad as it has in years past. My sister sent me my very most favorite iced sugar cookies for a treat, and I ate the lion's share of them. Our neighbors also brought over a custard pie type thing that had tons of fruit on top. I had a couple of pieces, but then mostly just been picking the fruit off the top.

The exercise quotient continues to be the hardest part of this plan to implement. I just can't seem to motivate enough to be consistent with it. :( There are a number of things at play here, I know. I have gotten so ridiculously out of shape, the idea of working out and finding out just how far my physical health has deteriorated is a bit scary to me. So I just sit and think, I'll exercse tomorrow! Or something along those lines.

I know that what it boils down to is me deciding that I am worth all of the effort it's going to take to get back into shape and to lose the weight I have accumulated. I struggle with this as much now as I ever did. My coping skill from childhood has been to run away from the unpleasant, scary, etc. I would retreat into fantasy lands, and bury myself in books in my room, when I was little, and now, I just wish things were different, or wish I was someone else. Not the most productive line of thinking, really, and I am logically aware of this... but old patterns are hard to break...and again, at the root of things, it amounts to a self worth issue.

I have to find the things about myself that I like. I have to convince myself that I need to make myself as awesome on the outside as the inside... easy to say, but not so easy to believe...

Until I tie in the exercise, I won't lose more than a pound here and a half pound there...

I guess it's time to really write those affirmations out and post them around.

Maybe I'll try to do a journal entry about how many kinds of awesome I am, so I can come back to it and read it when I am plagued with those feelings and my overactive self deprecation.