Today's workout

Class was cancelled... Instructor couldn't get there in time... I saw her later and she said she had 2 flat tires when she went to her car to come to PLU. She wanted us to work out on our own. After a brief internal struggle, I decided to be good and go to the fitness center. I got on the treadmill and tried the workout Erin (the instructor) had showed me yesterday. I did 4 cycles of high intensity interval cardio. Holy shit! I was sweating like a pig, red faced, and totally out of breath, but I did it! So there's that. :) burned 538 calories in the process! Go me!

Yoga today was difficult, but certain aspects are actually getting a little easier, and I felt loose and limber (not flexible...no, but not stiff either). It was kinda nice. At the end of week 2, I am sore... and uncomfortable. But not as much as I was last week. So there's a little progress. I also have lost a li'l weight. So go me again! :)

Today's adventure

Today we did physical fitness testing and it was a definite wake up call! In one minute I did 24 push ups (against the wall). In another minute I did 16 crunches. My core has gotten so weak, I couldn't pull up into a full sit-up! And I did 3 pull ups with a LOT of help (my instructor half pushing me, and with bands). Ugh! I have my work cut out!

After we finished the physical fitness test we were left to our own devices, so a classmate and I asked her to give us a workout to do. She had us grab medicine balls, led us to the gym and had us do wall-balls. It's a crossfit exercise, where basically you go into a squat, and push up, tossing the medicine ball high up above you as you come up, then catch the ball, going back into a squat. Holy crap that's hard! She told us to do 5 sets me 15 reps, and my better conditioned friend had to do 30 reps. I managed to finish 3 complete sets, and the squats portion of a 4th set before she called time.

I am still logging in my food, I put in the workout as best I could. No cardio today, so no idea how many calories I burned. I am already feeling a li'l sore. Tomorrow should be interesting. We didn't do any yoga today, we watched a dvd. :p tomorrow should be interesting. We are already almost halfway through j term. Wow!

And time goes by.....

My last entry was in August eh? Not surprising. School came back into session and everything just... stopped. I was all about just studying and more studying. I lived in my armchair when I wasn't in class or clinical. I've been wrestling all the same demons that I have since this blog's inception. Honestly nothing much has changed. But it has.

I have been seeing my therapist for a few months now. I like her, she's very nice and calming and I feel safe with her. I am back on my meds, and I really need to stay on them. I'm utterly useless without them for much besides basic life sustaining functions. :p

I am also in school again, but not taking nursing classes. I had a couple of li'l ol' general university requirements to satisfy, so during J term I'm taking 2 PE classes. One is a personal fitness class, the other is a yoga class. Today was my first full on workout in both classes, oh my gawd. First she timed us doing the mile and a half. I finished last, this was no surprise. My time wasn't great..again no surprise. BUT On the positve side, I did all 6 laps without stopping. I ran a little, but walked fast most of the time. The instructor said she'd seen worse. But I guess most notable at all, I didn't get frustrated, angry or upset. No tears! :) After that she had us do 50 each of pushups, situps and squats. I got through the pushups, and half of the squats before she called time. (modified wall pushups..but that's a good way to do it!)

Then there was a loooong break, followed by yoga. I got through that too. She took it easy on us today, I'm thinking tomorrow is gonna be harder, so we'll see how that goes. I am tired and I'm already starting to get sore, but I felt good having finished all that. I felt a little more alert on the drive home. I guess I had a taste of the endorphin rush.

In the course of all of this though, it struck me just how powerful dissasociation is. I mean, it's common knowledge taught in mental health class and all, that it is extremely powerful. And I know that I've experienced it first hand in my life, but it really kind of hit home today. I felt very stiff and inflexible when I tried to run. It was hard for me to move. I have so much weight on me, for the first time I really truly felt it. I was a little shocked. I mean, I know that I'm far from physically fit. But somehow in my mind/imagination/dreams, I was still fluid when I moved. I didn't feel so much like a bull in a china shop. I didn't realize I was so limited. It was an eye opener.

Another realization I made is that I've really never been particularly fit. Not even in my super skinny days. I've NEVER done well at the mile and a half. I've always come in last. I never really exercised either. I was active... I walked everywhere! But I never exercised once I got out of PE.

So now it seems I've come full circle. I'm almost 42 years old and taking PE again! Which while it's extremely annoying, I am also seeing it as an opportunity. I am forced to work out 4 days a week in yoga and 2 of the 4 in PE 100. I am going from zero to 60 (sort of) so I imagine I'll see *some* change in a month. I may drop a few pounds, I may be able to run a few laps of the mile and a half at the end. I guess that remains to be seen. But I am hoping to ride the momentum of these classes and continue to work out on my own, and then see some REAL results. I want my life and my body back. I want to *care* for the sick, not actually BE sick! :p

On the drive home, I saw, and in fact drove underneath the arch of a rainbow. I am hoping it's a good sign. It's a new year... will there be a new me?