Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Fear Is the Mind Killer

That line from "Dune" (by Frank Herbert, great book, I highly recommend it) came to my mind today.  My last workout was August 29th, a day short of 2 weeks ago.  I've been wrestling with myself about it, like I do.  I would continually argue with myself about it, tell myself I was going to do it, and then... didn't do it.  School preparation was a factor, had to run around turning in this bit of paperwork here, buy my books, there, do this or that online orientation module, etc.  but that only figured in a little bit.

I am prone to anxiety.  I don't have panic attacks per se, not the stereotypical hyperventilation episodes, feeling of impending doom... but I do get scared, terrified sometimes, and it paralyzes me.  I think I enumerated some of my greatest fears and concerns in previous entries, so I am not going to go into them again here (you're welcome! ;)  )  But suffice it to say, it can be crippling.  So as I sat here today trying to psyche myself into working out... yet AGAIN  (this is a daily battle, and I think I win about as often as I lose, so far) that line passed through my brain. I did a quick inventory of my concerns specific to working out (knowing it was going to seriously kick my ass an not wanting to deal with that, mostly) and just made myself get up and do it.

In light of my current situation healthwise, and the fact that I'm in my last semester of school and I don't want ANYTHING to fuck that up or delay it, I got out of my chair and took care of business. Got a pretty decent result out of it, too, in terms of calories burned.  My schedule this semester is the most flexible it's ever been, in terms of being able to fit in exercise, there really is no reason for me not to.

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